I did. About 16 months ago. This event, which I have briefly wrote about prior, took me from weak to strong. This event, brought life to my life. This event, hasn't stopped bringing information my way to enhance the meaning or purpose of my life here. It's strong. Its fierce. Its a mess. Its lovely.
This weekend was one of those lovely moments. The moment when information just flowed. I spent two hours on Friday night and another few hours this morning at Woodmen Valley Church listening to Rebekah Lyons and WOW. . Such a blessing to sit with friends and listen to her.
SURRENDER
"Surrender changes everything
but we can't choose surrender.
It chooses us.
It finds us and meets us in our pain.
When we are at our lowest point.
Our weariness. Our longing.
It enters in when we have run out of our own strength.
When we start to believe that things
may never actually change.
That our lives don't really matter...
and we break.
How could it be?
How could a good God create
a life that doesn't matter?
So we cry out, and we ask for rescue
Because somewhere deep down we know
we are missing it.
Our own attempts have failed us.
This life we have orchestrated falls flat
and leaves us lying in a corner,
huddles in despair in those dark hours
of the early morning.
Then we see it. The crack of sunrise.
Just a glow on the horizon.
Pink and orange starting to rise and
create a hue that colors the sky.
It's God whispering: I am here. I am true.
I am strength.
I love you as you are. Broken and
fragmented. Let me carry you.
Let me show you a life never dreamed
or imagined.
Let me take you on a journey so marvelous
you point back to Me.
Let Me rename you.
Let Me bring you back to your truest self.
The way I ordered you from the beginning
All this, for My glory."
~Rebekah Lyons
But I digress.
The event. There was so much great stuff from the Freefall to Fly event that I don't really know where to start to summarize. It met me right where I was at. I needed to be there and this was no coincidence. Her book sits right here next to me, I can't wait to pop it open. I bought an extra one, a gift for someone. I can barely wait to give it to them.
Anyway, my journey. Each journey is different. Why did this event speak to me so? Well lets back up a bit. I call it my "ugly" but really it was my time of breaking weakness- the time that separated part 1 and part 2 of my life- a year ago last June. All walls came crashing down and I sat repeating, "I can't do this alone." The first time in my life that statement has probably come out of my mouth. I didn't know who to invite, but I knew I needed something. When I found myself in prayer position, I knew. I knew exactly who I so strongly had to invite back into my life- God. He was there all along, asking me to have faith, asking me to walk with him. I needed a little nudge I guess to remember "it is always darkest before the dawn." This was my dawn.
I didn't always look at life as fulfilled. In my darkest moment, I found myself crippled with fear and anxiety. This first born, perfectionistic/type A, control freak, (the trifecta, Rebekah called it) had paved a path of comfort, goals, and business-all business. The risky part began after I graduated but really when love came knocking at my door for the third time in my life. After my broken heart at 21 and then my grandfather's passing at 25, I struggled to truly love. We operate out of our own wounding and my trifecta was my operation. Life was great when it was busy, so busy, I didn't have to pause. What I feared most- LOVE.-loving and being loved. My love for animals has always surpassed my love for humans. Sorry, its one of my ugly, messy truths. So fast forward about 7 years, I was buying books titled "What is My Purpose Here?" I was so lost but it was okay because no one knew, it was bottled up inside. I poured my energy into being busy, busy as I could be. I took great pride in my "busy-ness" and to some degree in my stress level as well. I was trying to fulfill my feeling of unfulfilled responsibility. Of course I'd get there, if I just added one more thing on my plate. I didn't have to deal with the explosion inside if I was just busy enough. It needed though to move, come out, so I could "break it, bless it, and heal it."
REST. Then He said, it's time, time for rest. He saved me. And He was there when I was ready to turn to him. A very good high school friend said to me one day, as I was pouting about my rest season. "It's YOUR season of rest, embrace it, you'll come out stronger than you ever were." I didn't exactly know what she meant, but I liked it's ring. And today, this morning, I found out what that meant. It is in REST that we energize ourselves for our truest and highest potential. Rebekah said, "when the soul becomes utterly passive, we can then move to our highest energies." REST. YES. That's probably why/how I've fallen in love with yoga, in love with my husband, in love with my dog, in love with the leaves changing, in love the the snow falling, and why I suddenly don't feel alone anymore. That craziness inside my body has been allowed to REST and GREIVE and find COMFORT.
And so, here is one of my comfort concoctions that came out of my REST.... It has been put to the taste tester test more times than any other recipe and, to date, and has passed with significantly flying colors.
{Grain Free, Gluten Free, Dairy Free, Soy Free and full of living intention}
disclaimer- I pulled this recipe from somewhere and tweaked it, but now no longer know it's original source. Rest assured it does have my own modifications.
- 3 or 4 ripe bananas, smashed
- 1/3 cup melted ghee
- 2 yolks egg, beaten
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 1 teaspoon baking soda
- 1 teas arrowroot starch
- ½ cup coconut flour
- 1/3 cup allergy flour (I used Lillabee's)
- 1 tbs honey
- Pinch of salt
With a wooden spoon, or a mixer, mix ghee and the mashed bananas in a large mixing bowl. Mix in the egg yolks, and vanilla. Sprinkle the baking soda, starch, and salt over the mixture and mix in. Add the flour last, mix. Pour mixture into a greased (I use coconut oil or parchment paper) 4x8 inch loaf pan. Bake for 45 -60 min. Let cool. Remove from pan and slice to serve!