One year ago, my body said enough... A night became a day, and a day became a week, then a week became three, and I decided to fight back. This time it would mean slowing down, pausing, listening to my body, practicing gratitude, and ultimately removing toxic stress from my environment (as much as I could). Over the course of the past year, I've learned how to love and respect my body, my time, and my space. I learned how to forgive! I've learned that people will disappoint you, but that is a figment of our own expectations. I learned how to enjoy each day, how to garden (trying), how to "stop and smell the roses" (isn't it funny my senior year of high school I wrote a rather lengthy paper on how society needs to stop and smell the roses- full circle, huh?). In the process, I've regained my health, vitality, and energy. Ultimately has it made life better- yes in every single way.
Perfectionism - Friend or Foe?
I heard words everyday like "overachiever," "type A," "assertive," "go getter," "successful." These words used to elevate me, make me proud, and only fueled the fire that was desperately burning inside; burning up everything inside. Work had become my existence, my life... Now these words make me cringe, literally like nails down a chalkboard over and over again. It is not that they are bad. There are some great qualities to these characteristics, if channeled correctly... I prefer "leader," "efficient," "balanced" and "productive."
Scars....
I spent several years running away from or masking Inner emotional scars. I had a great life, a great family, a great history BUT we all have junk!!!! Processing and forgiving is the best remedy for that "junk." Thing is, I never processed, I just moved on. Sometimes moving on literally meant moving- across the world or across the country. Usually running as fast as I could. Was it adventurous? Yes of course. Was it exhilarating? Yep! Did it help me forget? Momentarily. Sometimes moving on meant burying it deep, real deep, and closing the door (slamming it shut on a humid summer's day, swollen, and never to be opened again). Yep, that is how I dealt with this "stuff." At the time, this was very functional for me....
The American Dream? Nah, not now..
I had life all figured out, or so I thought. I worked like crazy (typical American) and was gonna work harder than you! I trained and was gonna race faster than you! I was a wife, gonna be the best! I slept, only a little because I could be wonder woman. I surely thought I was far from perfect but if I did more, just one more thing, I'd get there eventually. I fear that my story....is not far off from many others, possibly maybe your own?
My soul tried to speak, but I didn't listen. My heart tried to yell, but I didn't listen. My brain was running so fast on a hamster wheel, it didn't dare jump off for fear it might just roll around in sawdust. YIKES!
THE DAY MY BODY STOPPED